ispyspookymansion:

the issue with the dishes and getting rid of leftovers in the fridge and so on is that Well you dont want to do it because it sucks and is gross. so you can avoid it for a while. but watch out! because now its worse

beggars-opera:

panicedgannet:

beggars-opera:

I spent so much of my life romanticizing the Great and Powerful Enormity of the Sea, reading about the salt and the sweat of the sailors straining to haul the sails or anchor while dreading the monsters in the cold, icy deep fathoms below…and now you tell me that a fathom is only 6 feet deep -

Six feet is still more than enough for a grave.

Hi, that is the most metal addition you could have possibly made to this post

bearie:

kittens conversation:

hey we are all really small do you want to sleep in a pile

other kittens: yeah

thestarsthatlies:

sufjan stevens was right. How much sorrow can I take

czesca:

girls will have one (1) good day when they convince themselves they’ve never been unwell in their life and the next day the horrors will return

thegaymertrainer:

That’s SO cool to see it explained

why-animals-do-the-thing:

For National Zookeeper Week, it would be interesting to theoretically message or email a local or frequently visited zoo and request as a regular patron that keepers be compensated appropriately for the work they do.

Politely, of course, since those the people monitoring public facing accounts are just the messenger.

Kind of important for people who take care of highly endangered animals to be able to afford rent and food, after all, without having to work multiple jobs.

Might have an interesting impact.

Theoretically.

napstawantstosleep:

napstawantstosleep:

Guys do u know that one meme where there’s a girl and like a bodyguard (???) ordering drinks and the waiter give them the wrong drinks so they switch them on the last panel,???????? BECAUSE I C1NT FING IT^

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I FUCKIBG GOT IT RAAAAAHHHHHHH 💥💥💥💥💥

weaver-z:

blackcvrrant-deactivated2023060:

blackcvrrant-deactivated2023060:

blackcvrrant-deactivated2023060:

SOMETIME IN THE LAST WEEK MY SCHOOL PUT UP A LARGE BANNER DEDICATED TO THE :-) EMOTICON

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[id: a banner with a huge image of the :-) (smiley face with nose) emoticon captioned “smiley / first emoted here / 19 september 1982 / computer science department / www.cs.cmu.edu/smiley / carnegie mellon.” end id]

happy birthday :-) face

it’s that time of the year again everyone say happy 40th birthday :-)

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This is apparently what was contained in the original message that invented the :-) and I’m obsessed with Fahlman’s diction here

manywinged:

manywinged:

my girl so morally ambiguous idk if i should call her good girl or bad girl in bed

having ethically debatable sex with my morally ambiguous wife

kelssiel:
“pmmeyourrenamon:
“elidyce:
“animanightmate:
“uberguber89:
“kaispeakshermind:
“markwateneymemorialcrater:
“markwateneymemorialcrater:
“sharkangelic:
“The Ring: If I had a quarter for every time a hobbit picked me up, I’d have two...

kelssiel:

pmmeyourrenamon:

elidyce:

animanightmate:

uberguber89:

kaispeakshermind:

markwateneymemorialcrater:

markwateneymemorialcrater:

sharkangelic:

The Ring: If I had a quarter for every time a hobbit picked me up, I’d have two quarters. 
The Ring: Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

Of all the bearers of Sauron’s ring, 4 of them were hobbits.

I was wrong. It’s 5. Not 4

The lineage of ring bearers is as follows.

  1. Sauron.
  2. Isildur
  3. Deagol
  4. Sméagol
  5. Bilbo
  6. Frodo
  7. Samwise

I love how Deagol counts as a ring bearer even though he had it in his possession for all of like five seconds

He held it for the rest of of his life!

[Image description: Tweet by @banalplay saying “but something happened then that the ring did not intend. it was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, the same fuckin thing that just had it for like 500 years.” End Image Description.] Link to original here. Otherwise reblogging for the final rb there, which made me cackle.

From the ring’s perspective:

1. Home, the finger of my creator and other self.

2. Well, I don’t like it but I can work with this. Cause some trouble, get some revenge, find my way home, this is fine.

3. What the fuck is you?

4. Right personality, wrong species, I don’t know what you are but I hate you and I don’t know why you’re so resistant to my powers.

5. NO NO NO there are goblins everywhere how did I find another one of THESE horrible things. This one’s even more resistant than the last one and also disgustingly nice. I suffer.

6. Listen, I’ll cooperate, just get me the fuck out of this hellhole full of small cheerful people my power doesn’t work on properly. No, not like that. I hate you. Please stop. 

7. FUCK

8. (Frodo again) I still hate you with every molecule of my mortal form but at least you’re not number seven. Think I’m starting to get through finally. 

9. (Smeagol again) YES it’s you I actually missed you now get me back to the Master and NO FUCK NO I HATE YOOOOUUUUU…. *fzt* 

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you CHAIN The One Ring?! you chain it like the prisoner?! oh! OH! trauma! deep psychological trauma for hobbits for One Thousand Years!

needacupoftea:

musicalmelody001:

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[ID: an edited version of the Lucille Bluth “what could it cost, ten dollars?” meme. The text at the bottom of the image reads, “I mean it’s one chapter Michael, how long could it take to write? Ten years?” End ID.]

randomfae:

jewfrogs:

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

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